Retired Dad Jokes Archive

Old jokes that have officially been retired. Newest first.

2026

January *Coming Soon*

  • 2025-12-08 Coming Soon

    Setup: Where should you go in the room if you're feeling cold?

    Punchline: The corner — it’s 90 degrees.

2025

December

  • 2025-12-14 Do you know that crocodiles can grow up to 15 feet?

    But most only have four!

  • 2025-12-13 What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

    Tinsillitis!

  • 2025-12-12 What did the plate say to the napkin?

    Dinner is on me!

  • 2025-12-11 What do you call an Elf who just won the lottery?

    Welfy!

  • 2025-12-10 I was a bookeeper for 10 years.

    The local librarians weren't too happy about it.

  • 2025-12-09 How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

    Nothing! It was on the house!

  • 2025-12-08 Where should you go in the room if you're feeling cold?

    The corner — it’s 90 degrees.